was your hair that way when you were born?

So who’s the girl….?

This happens alot to my partner and I, though I think generally these days, more in the background noise than right smack dab in our faces.  I’ve always found this whole topic very disconcerting, and I think about it probably more than I should.  My girl would say I think about alot of things probably more than I should, and she’s probably right.  “How to stop thinking?” I ponder aloud. 

Anyway, the point here is that even in a lesbian couple, it’s assumed that someone is “male”, and someone is “female”.  This seems pretty ridiculous to me, when the whole point of being a HOMOsexual couple is that you want and desire a partner of the same sex, same meaning, here, not surprisingly, same.  As in, biologically the same.  Not different.  Not hetero.  Not straight.  Les.  Dyke.  Queer.  Homo.

So what makes a girl a girl, and a girl not a girl?  Do all girls have long hair and wear make up?  When is a girl less of a girl?  Does a pair of converse and jeans magically transport her to a non-girl world, where long curls and heels are not allowed or desired (except maybe in a partner)?  And those long haired feminine types, are they meek and mild mannered pinnacles of grace and patience?  Is that what femininity is?

I admit to being very feminine in appearance.  I admit, and with no shamed face, but a big wide grin, that I own lots of shoes, and many of them are heels.  I revel in silk scarves, a good eye shadow collection, and 20 different colors to varnish my well manicured (but short, I might add) nails.  I can’t catch a ball to save my life.  But I also am one of the most aggressive females I know, and will fight (a man or woman, it makes no difference to me) if I feel threatened or demeaned.  I read avidly, on a wide variety of subjects, and pride myself on my knowledge of cultural mores and history.  Does that make me less feminine?

So who's the girl....?

  • Random Guy: Oh, so you're a couple? Like you're a lesbian?
  • Me: Yeah, we are. I am.
  • Random Guy: You're not bi?
  • Me: Uh, no. I'm a lesbian.
  • Random Guy: So who's the girl and who's the guy? You must be the girl.
  • Me: *laughing* And why is that?
  • Random Guy: Well, because you were skirts and makeup. And your hair is longer.
  • Me: And that makes me more female than a woman who doesn't?
  • Lady at the DMV counter: Honey, what are you anyway?
  • Me: Uh, excuse me?
  • Lady: Are you white or black or whuuut?
  • Me: I'm biracial
  • Lady: Well, I just changed your race to white in the system! Isn't that funny, just like that!

I speak the truth, not so much as I would, but as much as I dare; and I dare a little more as I grow older.